Part 1: Misunderstandings About Candid Conversations


An excerpt from the upcoming book Candid Conversations – what and how


Part I

When we don’t understand something, an untrue statement about it could be taken as true, simply because we don’t know. When we suspect an incorrect understanding, at some level, we become just a bit fearful. We could even blush, feeling embarrassed because we believe that we should know. This is a natural reaction. When we know we don’t understand, and it is not easy to admit it, all of this is amplified. We, us humans, have a tendency to fear what we don’t know very well. We are fragile, impressionable and can be convinced via the talk in our head that this thing is ‘not good’ or a lot worse, actually dangerous.

What is your very first reaction, just for a second, when I say, ‘may I be candid with you?’. Hmmm, most kind of cringe, at least on the inside. It can feel like I’ve been caught in something that it would embarrass me to be made public.

‘Not good’ can be wrapped in, it is silly, it is not my thing, it is for the very rich people, I see no use for it, if it was that good, we’d see a lot more of it, yeah (turning away) I heard something about that, and so on. Avoiding and dismissive and doubting about understanding correctly or fully, becomes a kind of boogey man. What is the nature of the boogey man that shows up when confronted with the word candid?

When we have even the mere seed of misunderstanding, our tendency is to avoid that topic. The ego we all have cannot tolerate looking stupid and it makes up that admitting ‘I don’t know’ is declaring us as stupid. We are not all equal in our reactions to this and that. Some people are more apt to ask when there is doubt. Even those, if they can’t ‘get it’ in a few tries will withdraw clutching the misunderstanding boogey man closely. Not everyone, I agree, but many, I’d even say most, at some point withdraw.

Once in this state it is not a stretch at all to speak out against this misunderstood thing. Crazy, huh, that what has been proven to be a King maker is very often shunned by very able and intelligent people because of misunderstanding. Happens all the time, unfortunately.

End Part I of an excerpt from the upcoming book Candid Conversations – what and how