With Coaching


How does my approach and assumptions affect the Coaching conversation? Feels
obvious to me that different choices on these points could make a massive
difference in the effectiveness and outcome of a Coaching interaction. Consider,
the approach and assumptions you are thinking of right now if your task is that of a
grade school teacher as they decide on one way or another to teach their charge of
students. What comes to mind? What causes you to believe the approach you have
in mind is a good one, maybe even the best one? What is the balance between
simply imparting information and stimulating curiosity, growing the learning
response? What about level of difficulty considerations? And then retention of the
learning, what about that? What affects the effectiveness of the teaching and how?

There is a dance between the teacher and the student, that, when tuned just so, can
be extremely effective in accomplishing the objectives of the teaching. Most of us
have examples of when that dance was not only ineffective but awful, all the way
to mean and hurtful. Fewer cherished and indelible examples of near to euphoric
moments of ‘aha, yes, I understand now’, most of us can find as well. What was in
place when one of those big positive learnings arose?

What is different between the teaching scenario and the Coaching dynamic? To
begin, we are not Coaching a grade school child. Further, the Coachee is seeking
greater understanding about themselves, not something outside of themselves. The
most effective Coach stimulates the internal curiosity within the Coachee and
inquires along a path of self discovery to help the Coachee surface their own,
unique ‘aha, yes, I understand now’. To enable them to make better choices in their
lives. Better choices come from deeper clarity about what is true, for them, and
about their options in the situation being addressed. The Coach does not ‘teach’
because the Coach does not know. Client/Coachee knows. So we ask, pointing
their attention to new perspectives, different paradigms, fresh territories and

So what is going to work best? One to one, telling? One on one, challenging? One
with one, getting beside the Coachee and helping them to explore ‘what is’, for
themselves? Which do you prefer to receive? Indeed, telling and challenging have
a role. But small. Not like ‘Coaching with’. ‘With’ is a ‘co’ activity. Together. With.
Because the ‘Coaching with’ approach relies on what the client knows inside them,
what arises is most readily embraced. It is recognized as theirs. Coach does not
need to sell anything. For the same reason, what arises is sticky, it is naturally
attractive and the Client will use it.

Explore With Coaching. Book your complimentary connection here.

Joseph Seiler